Desperate
~~~something I wrote down in my planner out of boredom... ~~~
Wow. It's like I haven't talked to myself on years. This summer sucks - why does everyone have to have a better summer than me? My CDs, my notebook, my planner, my phone: the only things left that are keeping me sane.
Where has all the angst gone? It's turned into anger - the 'st' into 'er'. Pain begets passion, now there's no pain (only hurt) and I can't feel anymore.
No, I haven't explored myself, nor grown up, nor learned anything this summer. Why am I doomed to nothing when I could be talking to people. Maybe other people would be better off w/o me.
I don't know.
But I'm so desperate - I need to feel someone because I can't feel myself anymore and I need passion, pain in passion. I have not yet learned to write in bliss only black; I revel in angst the small pains that build up and eventually kill me - dying everyday?
I don't know, maybe not.
I just noticed the spontaneousness of this. I'm usually never spontaneous. I guess I'm really desperate - who knows?
What was the last Starbucks drink I had ba? Ewan...Ah, Iced Venti Chocolate Cream Frappucino. At Mega. That made me feel good. But seeing Pisay would make me feel better. I wonder if I can trust my newly re-discovered friends...I think I can, at least I should, because I'll have to work w/ them the whole year. I wish I was back in school, wondering aimlessly.
[Will I be posting this in my blog?
I don't know.
There are a lot of things I don't know about.]
What is wrong with me? I feel sleepier, and it's not summer or the summer heat. I feel nothing BUT sleepy. A sleepy passion? Haha...ewan.
Maybe when I post this I could slip in a subliminal message or something. You know, italicize or capitalize or color letters & parts of words or something.
Ouch. My arm hurts from being used as a pillow.
I guess this is the summer I'm doomed to. I want to be me again.
Wow. It's like I haven't talked to myself on years. This summer sucks - why does everyone have to have a better summer than me? My CDs, my notebook, my planner, my phone: the only things left that are keeping me sane.
Where has all the angst gone? It's turned into anger - the 'st' into 'er'. Pain begets passion, now there's no pain (only hurt) and I can't feel anymore.
No, I haven't explored myself, nor grown up, nor learned anything this summer. Why am I doomed to nothing when I could be talking to people. Maybe other people would be better off w/o me.
I don't know.
But I'm so desperate - I need to feel someone because I can't feel myself anymore and I need passion, pain in passion. I have not yet learned to write in bliss only black; I revel in angst the small pains that build up and eventually kill me - dying everyday?
I don't know, maybe not.
I just noticed the spontaneousness of this. I'm usually never spontaneous. I guess I'm really desperate - who knows?
What was the last Starbucks drink I had ba? Ewan...Ah, Iced Venti Chocolate Cream Frappucino. At Mega. That made me feel good. But seeing Pisay would make me feel better. I wonder if I can trust my newly re-discovered friends...I think I can, at least I should, because I'll have to work w/ them the whole year. I wish I was back in school, wondering aimlessly.
[Will I be posting this in my blog?
I don't know.
There are a lot of things I don't know about.]
What is wrong with me? I feel sleepier, and it's not summer or the summer heat. I feel nothing BUT sleepy. A sleepy passion? Haha...ewan.
Maybe when I post this I could slip in a subliminal message or something. You know, italicize or capitalize or color letters & parts of words or something.
Ouch. My arm hurts from being used as a pillow.
I guess this is the summer I'm doomed to. I want to be me again.
BlackIce last needed a hug at 11:44:00 AM
1 Comments:
hey there gigi! cheer up, summer will be fun when you allow it to be fun... hey, if you feel like ranting to me or requesting for pics or whatever, i'm just a text/phone call/IM away! *hugz*
hang in there gi! your friends are always there for you! :)
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