in keeping with (dis)spirit

my christmas list:

  1. surprise me.
  2. ...
  3. no, seriously.

right now i pretty much had everything i ever wanted, just not on christmas. 'course, i don't get to keep any of it, but at least i had it. (i think.)

if you asked me what i want for the year though, let's just start with me getting a 1400 or higher on my SATs. yes, i'm taking the SATs - i'm concerned about my future, surprisingly enough. and not so surprisingly, i'm getting fucked up over college. where, when, how, WHY. people are saying i'll be doing great. but i'm imagining more along the lines of "high school nerd that can't getting into college the right way." i want the scholarships, i want the pinag-aagawang acceptance, i want the offers, i want thw world. just that i have no idea how to get to that point. i have no information, no initiative. and it doesn't help that my parents are not supportive in the least. not in the fucking least. their consciousness and framework of thinking follows the pattern of "maghanap ka na nga ng pupuntahan so we can kick you out already!" yes, i shall resent them forever; gago sila and i don't have to be an arrogant bastard to say that. :|

(yeh, i ranted. i only realized now.)


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