12.12.2005

Why do I suffer so?



wow, i never thought it'd be this hard to think of stuff to post...

i just don't know if i can go on like this...

batch xmas party last 8th...

during the party i entered with this stupid outfit (dared for P200). that's how desperate i am for money. i have no integrity. i ate with eruanne and her friends, but i felt so OP...gahd i was stupid for even going there...so i rushed to the bathroom and there he was...with thea's boyfriend, prepping themselvs in the mirror...i was like a deer staring at headlights. i bolted, but they saw me. GAHD i am fuckin' stupid...

i never felt more miserable in my whole life than at that party. i went around like some damn idiot, and even drowned myself in the rain for a few minutes...i didn't know how to dance, i didn't have the courage to ask eruanne or the batch treasurer to dance...and more so, there was no chance i'd be able to dance with either of the guys, him or HIM...i promised him i'd never obsess again...and i didn't..."After Eden" by Arnold Arre was a testimony to that...but HIM...my crush on HIM seems to be like my internet connection...fluctuating...one of eruanne's "sisters", The Composer, teased me about HIM...damn that dude - he just had to know...

if i really was depressed i could have gotten high on the unlimited iced tea, but dezkitty was there to save the day...she danced with me, and i got to dance with ricky's sweetheart. (sorry eruanne.) i tried to persuade Ruby's only DL to dance with me, but she wouldn't...ergh...i am the stupidest idiot in the world...i wish i just curled up and died right there and then. damn. i could have gone home crying; i dont think i did...i dont know why. probably because i was too sad to care. i wish i never went. gahd.

my text is slowly fading, so i have just enough time for the poem...

why can't i
lose myself
in your sweet embrace
why can't i

touch and look into
your beautiful face
just as this verse has no meter or rhyme
i have no hope
i have no time
i can no longer see the humor
the laughter or the joy
i am but a lost soul
a doll
a toy



7 Comments:

Anonymous dezkitty said...

and you're beautiful.

always here to save your day,
dezkitty

12/13/2005 01:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hus dezkitty?... nice codenames.. woww.. ang honest mo sa iba at sa sarili mo.. ur not afraid to show what you really are.. i hope people will learn to accept you for hu you are.. lalala.. nice blog.. i wish i knew who u were referring to.. beh.. :-P

12/13/2005 09:43:00 PM  
Blogger Melancholy Sunrise said...

hi gi!
don't forget to join the pf blog
yun lang
post ka don ha!
:-)
sige
btw, i'm nobody's sweetheart. interesting choice of words...

12/14/2005 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Melancholy Sunrise said...

hey! um...

you're not the only one na minamalas.

if you read my entry on your batch's christmas party... i was in bad luck...
locked out of the dorm because i was looking for the dorm manager, forced to stay... had to stay... wasn't able to finish my work early... well... i admit, not really so unlucky... *blushes*

the point is, we're here for you. I'm here. pwede mo ako kulitin anytime if you need help. nandyan si ate desa and si anna... :-)

basta... you know my number and my yahoo id... :-)

by the way, why *****'s sweetheart?

12/14/2005 05:15:00 PM  
Anonymous tambay said...

.. k lng yan..
hinga k lng ng malalim... hinga.. hanga actually ako sa'yo e.. ksi aun nga..sbi ni anonymous.. ang honest mo..basta.. kaya mo yan! hinga ka lng~
nice blog btw ^^
and..sori.. didn't mean to make you feel OP ...

12/16/2005 11:13:00 PM  
Blogger Eruanne said...

aaaaw, gigi... don'tcha worry about it, i also had a pretty disappointing time there.

and hey, i am always willing to dance with you, okay? ^^

12/21/2005 10:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gian?
Well sana ma-accept ka na ng ibang "tao" sa Pisay...... For what you are..... I plead guilty to that charge, noong hindi pa kita kilala.......
If that will not happen, rest assured you will be accepted by the Garnet girls.....
And ommission is spelled as omission.....
No offence meant....

12/22/2005 12:33:00 PM  

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