Another day, another year

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure -- measure a year?

In daylights -- In sunsets
In midnights -- In cups of coffee
In inches -- In miles
In laughter -- In strife

In -- Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure a year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love?
Measure in love

Seasons of love
Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned
Or in times that he cried
In bridges he burned
Or the way that she died

It's time now - to sing out
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends

Remember the love
Remember the love
Remember the love
Measure in love

Measure, measure your life in love

Seasons of love...
Seasons of love

It's really odd how people say "Happy New Year" instead of "Have A Happy New Year" - and even that well-wishing greeting is off somehow. You can never really have a happy new year in the first place, because once you go through that year, it's no longer the "new" one.

Looking back at your year, what do you tend to focus on? The good things that happened to you; the things you were able to do; the obstacles you were able to overcome? More likely than not, you'll be looking at the shit you went through; the things you failed to do; the obstacles that kept you from achieving your goals. You'll find that you didn't completely fulfill your resolutions; keep your promises; that you have a LOT of room for improvement. I'm not being negative, just honest - this focus on what we don't have is what pushes us to change; contentment is a static state of mind, and the fact that we're not perfect is the only reason that we try to change.

My year was definitely not a season of love. It was a season of jealousy, treachery, hurt, anger, stupidity, indifference.There was a lot of love, but only some of it got through. That probably means I haven't been very loving myself. My New Year's resolution is to love more. To love myself, to love others, to love my family (no matter how HARD it is to), and to finally realize that love isn't about the hugs or the warmth - those are only benefits - but about the little things that both the small and big people in my life do for me. Love you all. Have A Happy Year.

No day but today.

For the sake of posting such?

No, I have not gone defunct. The Florida hotel we stayed at just doesn't have Internet.

Fuckin' right Christmas this is turning out to be. I'm posting from New Jersey. And I've had a damned miserable time so far. A damned miserable Christmas. Seems like I'll have a fucked up Christmas again.

I miss the world. Is anyone still alive?

Merry Christmas to all of you out there. At least, a better Christmas than what I'm having. :(

Not just for the sake of anything

525600 minutes, 365.25 days, 1 year. 58 posts, 12 months; 80 comments, hundreds of tags.

Inkblotter has survived me, ignorance, spiteful readers, deletion, and abandonment. It has undergone layout changes, post deletions, text resizing, font changes, subtitle switches, and interface upheavals. It has gone through good blogs, bad blogs, pointless blogs, and beautiful blogs in the world of blogging.

It has gone through two halves of school years, a Christmas, a birthday, a clearance week, a summer vacation. It has gone through two Christmas parties, two fairs, one school, two sections, hundreds of people, tons of friends, several enemies, and millions of unknowns.

It has gone through my moods: distressed, touched, accomplished, predatory, pessimistic, nerdy, hungry, cheerful, high, amused, disappointed, cold, sore, grumpy, mellow, irate, pleased, productive, tired, ditzy, energetic, exanimate, full, crazy, indifferent, thirsty, apathetic, peaceful, happy, sympathetic, nostalgic, contemplative, pensive, loved, listless, rejuvenated, flirty, crushed, angry, horny, bitchy, sick, exhausted, irritated, refreshed, sleepy, pissedoff, numb, cynical, thankful, surprised, embarrassed, moody, weird, good, frustrated, cranky, ecstatic, morose, naughty, hopeful, bored, lazy, jubilant, complacent, crappy, satisfied, envious, dirty, chipper, giggly, uncomfortable, okay, artistic, dorky, blah, geeky, discontent, blank, busy, indescribable, creative, awake, recumbent, jealous, rejected, melancholy, content, nauseated, enraged, excited, hyper, curious, determined, silly, infuriated, restless, optimistic, calm, aggravated, working, impressed, thoughtful, rushed, sad, intimidated, stressed, giddy, nervous, drained, lethargic, hot, bouncy, devious, relaxed, shocked, relieved, lonely, scared, enthralled, quixotic, confused, worried, mischievous, annoyed, groggy, depressed, guilty, gloomy, anxious, drunk, grateful.

It has gone through my experiences both painful and healing, through the distrust, mistrust, and trust, through the lies, untruths, misunderstandings, truths and fakery, through the backstabbing, backbiting, fights, double-crossing, rivalry, friendship, relationship, love, and unity. It has gone through everything, anything and nothing; through all that is and that is none.

Without Inkblotter, I would not have met the people I know today, seen the world the way I do now, or survived life at all. I would not have matured into the person I am now; grown into the kind of person I am now. I would not have become who I have become, nor would I have made this kind of difference in the world.

Without Inkblotter, I would not have been set on this search to find inspiration, passion and wisdom in a world full of false depth and contrived love. I would not have sought for more emotion, more devotion, more depth and fullness.

I would not be, and nothing of mine would be possible.

But of course, none of anything would be possible without anyone else.

I thank Eruanne, polarbarr, and Calandil, the bloggers whose blogs inspired me to create my own.

I thank kev r, the one who got me to create my own penname - literally, pen name - BlackIce.

I thank dez and Inkwell for being the inspirations for my blog URL and blog name.

I thank my Ate Hedz for introducing me to the inspiration that is Starbucks and giving me my first planner (which I sadly lost a few months ago), my first true journal and outlet.

I thank gryphoenix, mike s, orio, Sophomoric Philosopher, jeJo, beii, Vasanti, Gray, Eruanne, polarbarr, and Calandil, for being the most supportive and inspirational bloggers out there.

I thank gryphoenix, jill l, dr g, mike s, koko r, orio, neon a, Eruanne, Sir Martin, polarbarr, Calandil, beii, Vasanti, and Gray, my inspirations in flow of rhyme and lack of reason.

I thank Opal '09, the Pillowfriends, SCA, SK, KBC, Camia '09, the groups whom without I wouldn't be.

I thank Claret, for bringing me to the top and into Pisay. I thank Pisay, my true home. I thank Starbucks, my place of rest, happiness, inspiration, and much-needed coffee. I thank Blogger, without which I would not have begun blogging so easily. I thank Livejournal, for an alternate expression. I thank Neopets, Insaniquarium, TextTwist, Limewire, GBA and SNES emulators, and Windows Media Player for alternate distractions. I thank YM and Globe, my alternate communiations.

I thank all my teachers, past and present, for teaching me how to learn as I go. I thank my parents and family, whom without I would not be.

I thank neon a, kevin r, Eruanne, dez, jo d, and carlo, to whom I trusted everything I am and was; for being the shoulders I cried on; for being the ones to whom I opened up to when everything was lost.

I thank my friends outside of the virtual world, too many to mention in such little time and space. These people are any of the people who've followed me through the best and worst of my times, who has read my blog to the point of exhaustion. The people who are willing to reply when I text them. The people who talk to me without me beginning a conversation. The people who thank me even when the things I do aren't really that big to them. The people who appreciate my efforts, labor, and work. The people who call me by my name everytime they say "Hi" in the corridors. The people whom acknowledge my existence and do not hold anything against me. The people who love me.

I thank those whom I don't know, cannot remember, or cannot say, but have been just as supportive - or more so - than those that emerge in my mind. I treasure you all even more, because you are there as my mind passes over you - whoever you all are, I thank you.

RENTed

Poster courtesy of RD.

These days

...are better than last year's. Evidently. Seen me smiling lately? Yeah. I enjoyed this Christmas more than last year's. A horrible one, last year's was.

The not-a-nightmare before Christmas party

The Christmas Party was alright; in fact, it was good - Quintin and the council pulled it off quite nicely. That's my opinion. The night didn't exactly have the air of Christmas, but who cares - it was an enjoyable party. Good food, cute games (damn Jasmin :D joke), and cool costumes. The lights and glowsticks helped a lot too - I'm thinking that's the sort of thing they should've done during the Soph Night. But maybe I'm just saying all this happy shit because I went for a Frappucino before the event. Onga pala, binigay ko yung sticker ko to the person behind me - and now some Miriam HS girl thinks I'm her stalker or something. Eep. >.<

The only disheartening thing about the party was that there were people who didn't enjoy the party as much as I did. It made me guilty to see that while others were smiling others were sulking or silently crying in a corner. Maybe that's how people feel about me when I'm sad. I only wish I could've done something to help them.

Paskorito, Pasko roon, Paskung saan-saan

Got home at around 11, then I remembered na meron pa palang outreach the following day. Oops. So woke up early (wahah) the next day and headed for school, where a lot of people were panicking to finish requirements. Hahah. Tapos nagsimula yung outreach - our duty was to make the Christmas of 300-odd(?) children a little better. Kaya una we (the SA) were put through the humiliation of exercising in front of the kids. Fun enough - go Mike! Go Ma'am Samala! :D

Then we were made to supervise the outreach activities - it was like a human zoo upstairs, with the caretakers running around to keep their wards from running into walls or other people. Chaotic, but everything went fairly smoothly (No, Room 113! 113!! You, where's your ward?! P-11! No, 11!! AAAAArrrghH! >u<). At the same time, nag-cram kami (me and Andrew) ng Pinoy portfolio, along with hundreds of other dyads under Ma'am Aguila.

In the afternoon, I had to go to the Paskorus competition and do backstage stuff with Neon. There, I finished off our Pinoy portfolio. Honestly, I have no idea kung bakit 'di kami nakapasok sa finals. No offense meant for anyone, but I still believe and insist we were waaaaaay better than those in our category. They couldn't even harmonize properly half of the time. Anyway, I'm kinda thankful. We didn't have to cram or practice or stress over anything. By the way, Diamond kicked all the other section's @$$3$ (again, no offense meant). Galing nga nila eh - they really were awesome, but I thought Dahlia would beat them out. Wrong. Hahah. The only other time that's happened - a 1st year section beating out 2nd year sections - was last year, Opal '09. :D

Left immediately after the Category II, and looked for Anna. We had planned a Starbucks date with Carlo for that day. Before we left though, we met Kuya Jowi, whom I gave a big hug. Hahah. Wala lang. Smuggled Anna out of Pisay and went off to Claret, where I got Carlo. Hahah. So I went on a date with two of the best people in the world in the Rustan's Starbucks along Katipunan. While fireworks were being regarded with wonder at Pisay, there were fireworks occurring where we were. Explosions and bright sparkles, fizzes and loud pops, cracks, and special effects - beautifully explosive.

All I want for Christmas

Succumbing once more to the demands of a materalistic mind and selfish soul on the first day of December. :D

My Christmas Wishlist

Rated PG-13. Contains slightly disturbing, sexual-themed, and offensive content. (lol) But seriously, be open-minded with this one. Not your usual list.

[I have started scratching off stuff! Material stuff first, non-material stuff sometime later - maybe right before I leave. If you granted me a wish, and I don't know about it, feel free to cuss me out and point it out to me. XD If a wish has been granted, who says you can't grant it again and again? :D]

Material Stuff That Almost Nobody Can Get Me

1. A sports watch that won't die on me before next Christmas. Has anyone noticed that my only time is cellphone time? A beautiful Nike Triax Swift Kentucky (blue and black) from my Ate Hedz. $49.99. See me wearing it when I get back. * Another watch! Timex, this time, from my Tito. I have 2 years worth of watches now.
2. Braces. Dark blue ones. Yeah, seriously - I want straight teeth, dammit. Expect me to be metal -mouthed sometime in mid-January, courtesy of my mom and dentist. :#
3. A portable radio. You know, the pocketable kind with earphones.
4. A MacBook. I can dream, can't I?
5. A flash drive with the biggest memory capacity evah.
6. A supahcool phone that can take decent pics, store music, broadcast radio, and not suck like shit all at the same time.
7. A digicam. A really quick, super compatible digicam with ultra-high resolution. Like Belsha's. I forgot what it was called, but it was teh greatest ever...
8. A really nice shoulder bag. Kahit hindi designer label, as long as it's good-looking and durable. Para di na 'ko sobrang mainggit pag dumadaan ang mga taong may magagandang bag.
9. Starbucks 2007 Planner. Syempre. Ako pa. Got it na. Funny story, really. I was planning to get one for me, and one for my Ate. But apparently, one of her friends (*wink*) is getting it for her, too. And well my Ate would understand, anyway. So I guess it's mine. Miiiiine. Mwahah.
10. A grande Starbucks tumbler. For the ultimate coffee experience (and P5 discount)! Happiness is coffee.
11. A good, comfy, and durable pair of shoes for anytime anywhere. And I'm no Chucks fan, but if they'll do the job, I want black. Or a good shade of blue.
12. A whole collection of Arnold Arre's works. Anything and everything by him.
13. Moneh. Lots and lots of moneh. $.$ I have about $150 worth. Cool.
14. Any book by Neil Gaiman. Any. I don't own any of his books, demmit.
15. Lots and lots of brown, grey and black shirts (I can hear the French people of the fashion industry going "c'est horrible!") . Para 'di na lagi yung Giordano brown shirt suot ko. Bought a few off Nike (I LOVE this company!) and got a dark green GAP shirt from my Ate. :D
16. Cargo pants. Same reason as the shirts (Tapos the n00b fashion people. "ZOMG monochromatiiiiic")
17. Maroon 5's Songs About Jane and Urbandub's Embrace. Good albums I've never really gotten around to getting.
18. The soundtrack for Avenue Q. Because the Internet is for porn.
19. Toffee Nut Lattes - in Frappucino, hot, or iced form, preferably grande or Venti-sized. :D
20. A pair of black bikini briefs. Laugh, and you die. I think they're sexeh.
21. A nice silver bracelet or necklace. Kahit di silver talaga... Basta a glint of silver along my neck and arm...
22. A decent book. Any book that you find interesting, I might too. Just get me a copy and refresh my tired mind. Eragon by Paolini from my kuya and his wife. Good, pero nakakabitin. I need the next one now. Rawr. And I'm watching the movie.
23. Artwork starring me. A commissioned pic of me, basically. :D (Yanaaaa...)
24. Pics of me with friends. All of my friends. I'd especially want a triad pic of me, Anna, and Carlo... At Starbucks! Not all, and no triad pic, but I still have pics of Anna and Carlo, courtesy of Anna. :D More pictures! More!
25. A huggable anything. Preferably a tiger. I love stuffed tigers. Usagi-chan got me a really cuuuuute stuffed tiger! :3 *glomp* Andami ngang natuwa eh, because it's soooooo cuuuute!! ^^
    

Non-material Stuff That Are Even More Impossible To Get Than The Material Stuff

1. Guitar skills. Kasi I friggin' suuuuck. Baaad.
   
2. Decent skills at any major sport. Again, because I suuuuuck baaaaaaad.
   
3. Good grades. Meaning a GWA of 1.375 or higher. Pero this one is totally impossible. (Seryoso. Bumababa na grades ko...T_T)
4. Better writing skills. CPMA-standard.
   
5. Time with people at Starbucks. I want to have Starbucks dates before I leave for the US on the 15th - because Starbucks is the place where I am happiest, sitting in a corner with a Hot Grande Toffee Nut Latte. Anna, Carlo... dudes, thanks talaga... Hahahah... Aalalahanin ko kayo pareho everytime mag-Starbucks ako from now on. ;D
6. A piercing. Yup. A little glint on my right earlobe. Just as weird a request as the braces, eh?
7. A nice body. To go with the briefs. Wahah. Grabe, I give new meaning to "asa ka pa."
   
8. Snow! I'm... dreaming of a white... Christmas...
9. A decent time at the Christmas party. If you know me, you should know how my last time went. If you don't, it's like this - the first blogpost I ever made was about last year's party. It was entitled "Why do I suffer so?" Had an awesome time at the party. Well, better than last year's, anyway. I had friends to celebrate with. Although, it didn't go too well for other people, and I feel a bit guilty for that. :'
10. Malling with friends. Just once before I go abroad. Went with someone na. Not saying who, on the off chance I might hurt someone, but there. Thanks, dude.
11. A distinct personality. Let me explain... Few people go through high school without a distinct personality. I want a good, distinct self, that when people see a certain quality in someone they'd say... "Hey! Parang si Gian ah!" Yeah. That'd rock.
    
12. A better singing voice. Para once in a while I can hit those high notes.
13. A fling. o.O Ewan ba why. Just a quick Christmas fling.
14. A French Kiss. Yeahp, you read right. Haven't had one in a loooong time. (Yes, I've had one! What?!) Yeah, like I'm saying who. XP
15. To learn how to ride a bike. Seriously, this is stupid. I'm almost 15 and di pa 'ko marunong ng bike.
16. The chance to be bitchy at certain people at school. Because they haven't been talking to me lately. And have been acting like total snobs. (Here emerges my side that says "Bitch!") During the outreach and Paskorus. I was bossy, bitchy, and happy, ordering people around and snapping at them. Mwahahahah.
    
17. My name in the media. Or in someone else's blog entry. Ansaya kaya when you read your name off somewhere. Maliban lang kung wanted list. Eheheh. Ei, Migo. Mabilis din ah. :D Thanks. * Edz! Di mo sinasabi. Thanks.
    
18. To hear the saxophone being played live. Jazz is teh music. Sorry to all the rockers out there, but rock these days is getting really old.
    
19. Real, warmhearted hugs. I only think people care when they hug me. Kaya hug me once on a while. Kung nahihiya ka man na it'll be interpreted as something else, di kita kaibigan... Hugs are what keep me sane; what keep me alive... RC, Ate Paula, Anna, Carlo. :D Thanks bunches. ^^
    
20. Blogger comments. To know that you're actually reading. *nudge* Anna, Kuya Kido, Kate-chan, RC... Yay, four! :3
21. Blogfame! I want my blog to hit the first page of Google with a PageRank of at least 4! I'll hack the world's systems to link directly to me if I have to...
22. Reconciliation with myself, people and God. Self-explanatory, don't you think so?
23. A role in a play performance. Miss ko na yung Opal class play. And yung mga Batok plays namin noon sa SK.
24. The end of poverty in the world. Strange wish, ain't it? Click the white band on the upper right corner of my blog.
25. Happiness. Fringe benefit of everything up there.

Well, that's all of it. Be a kind soul and cross out anything for me. Make my Christmas a not-so-crappy holiday. Yeah, I know that Christmas is about the birth of Christ. I'll never forget that. But I wish I could have a Christmas that doesn't hold ill will and bad memories for me. For once.
~~~
I learned last year that Santa Claus does NOT exist. My world crashed around my ears. :D